We met after a couple of years since her marriage. She seemed happy, relaxed and calm. I was happy for such positive vibes I was receiving. And just then my son called. He suddenly made his mind to play Roller Hockey Nationals and I had to rush back home to do his packing. While I was about to leave I said, “any thoughts for starting a family?” Hold that thought and we will talk about it while I was buckling up and rushed to open the door when she said, “He is impotent.”
I left puzzled while she was smiling typing a text message to someone. I was walking with a speed of a bullock cart and forgot why was I heading back home. I should stay with her probably she needs me more than anyone. She might want to share what all happened to her and how she felt.
Few days passed, and she called. Let’s grab a mug of coffee. Obviously she must be feeling so hung up. We met in the evening, but never for a moment it felt like something very wrong has happened or life has smacked her right on her face. She was chirpy as always, telling me all sorts of funny incidences when she made a fool of herself and eventually we both were laughing hard.
A sudden silence as if now is the time she’ll burst out in tears, and how life made fun of her and love that she believed in so much broke her soul, inch by inch. I held her hand while she was gazing out of the window I said, “I am all ears, you can talk to me about everything that happened.” She looked surprised, a big question mark was on her face. What? What are you talking about El? I consoled her but I really don’t know how to put myself in her shoes. Like thinking about me being in her place scares me to death. Everything that I have today would be like just a thought and a hard smash brings back the reality.
But what really surprised me was how she grew as a person, as a human being (in her mind). I understand, it would have been the hardest part to tell your parents and get divorced because you got to know about it after marriage and you had no clue how to react on the situation at all. SHHHH…! What are you saying El, what is wrong? Are you ok? Is everything fine at home? She responded that I am acting muddlehead and I actually felt the same. I said come on he is impotent and you are about to separate and life’s gonna come to a standstill, and you are behaving so casual as if nothing has happened. With eyes wide open, and not a single word from her for few seconds and she says, who needs a divorce?
No El, who said this to you? What even made you think that I am gonna do that? He is impotent that doesn’t mean he is any less a human. I know pleasure is something you seek in a relationship and physical pleasure is every partners need. But if lack in it disrupts the bond and connection you have with someone then I am sorry to say I didn’t marry him for just that pleasure. I know you asked about starting a family and we had our views on it and discussed it way back that we are going to adopt a child. For us real pleasure was finding each other. We both connected with each other on the same frequency and as the days pass by life is much more lyrical than as dramatic as it used to be. He has been the person I was searching for. He is the one I waited for such a long time and I actually had given up the thought of getting married at all. My life is what my choices made it. And I don’t have a single regret about them. And the divorce thing I would rather divorce the society and the world for him for such mediocre thoughts. I love him more for who he is not for all that he can give me. I accept him. And you have no clue what being unacceptable feels like. I am more than happy El. I am living now. And totally it is better than just existing around fake people.
Smile El (while she holds my hand)