I may not regret those 9 years but I am neither happy revisiting them. Today, when having a strong connection with somebody seems a talk of an era gone by, I still somehow feel a soulful connect with her. A connect where words were secondary, just a glance and silence spoke volumes. When heart used to pump harder and stronger if it sensed something wrong and expression of love was gestures.
When all of a sudden the turmoil breaks, the eruption does the damage which it is supposed to. Every particle of your heart is shattered as if the mirror slipped from the 102nd floor of the Empire State Building. Yeah! this metaphor only provides you with the intensity of heart break it might have been. And can any Sherlock Holmes help you find those pieces which get scattered kilometers away. No! But the worst is when the broken number increases either by coming under a vehicle or just pushed away by pedestrians. Isn’t the question so obvious to ask did I deserve any of it? The lies, the incredible suspense stories and the worst; how unimportant and unwanted you were to the priority of your life. If I try and memorize the best of those 9 years, I think I bid farewell empty hearted.
You don’t just give your time, but your life to those years. I invested myself and I reaped what I deserved. Even though I felt crippled and it took some time to get my sense back I only thought of my BFF. Best friends forever… No, it was time to put my ‘Best Foot Forward’. Now it was my turn to take a leap of faith and end it once & for us. The moments your self respect and self love make you realize how important they have always been and yet they are almost always ignored for the people we love. It was time to fight my own fight. You have to be the soldier protecting your own happiness. Love yourself to that last inch and get done with the closure. I realized it wasn’t my friend I was angry on, but myself. When I was proven wrong from all ends it took a while to restore and I also needed an assurance that even though a lot will be behind my back but I can never ever turn around. I had to open the door of closure to forever close it.
Just as hard as it is to forgive others for the harm they cause to you. Forgiving ourselves takes a much larger heart. It is completely okay to be too good a friend, too much of a giver, being too great a lover. If it didn’t go as expected or as fulfilling, let it go. It is never wrong to be you, we simply get knocked out by the undeserving lot. I won’t say it was my loss or hers, I just chose myself over her after a long 9 years of friendship. Being a student to life, always get your lessons right and when it is time for some action, put your BEST FOOT FORWARD (BFF).